What is it about the institution of marriage that allows it to be both joyful and painful? Why do so many people opt to stay in violent marriages that can lead to not only their own death but also that of their children?
Marriage has existed since the beginning of creation. There are various ethnic groups in Nigeria and around the world, each with their own cultural perspective on marriage. These do not just define the kind of marriages that exist; the many religious groups also influence the beliefs and durability of marriages. Culturally and spiritually, the pressure to succeed in marriage is mostly placed on a woman in Nigeria and many African countries, while the shortcomings of her husband are ignored. A failed household or divorce stigmatizes the lady. This is emotionally and mentally debilitating. This is a major contributor to the high rate of domestic violence and marriage abuse that Nigerian women face.
Given the enormous and growing proportion of single mothers and female divorcees, some may argue that times have changed and women no longer choose to submit themselves to verbal, financial, economic, sexual, and physical abuse. This present trend is due to the fact that more girls are acquiring an education and becoming more financially independent, which gives them the luxury of making the choice to leave abusive marriages. They now have a voice, as do several states in Nigeria, with Lagos leading the way in providing halfway houses or sanctuaries for women fleeing such situations.
Fortunately, the establishment of Family Courts to officially prosecute incidents of domestic violence and adjudicate child custody in disputed and embittered cases of abuse is a great respite.
As appreciative as we are for the beneficial development of these tools, and for the contributions of the government and concerned people in combating women’s abuse and battery, there is so much more owed to Nigeria’s female population. We want to be loved rather than owned; there should be more awareness campaigns to re-educate both men and women. Men are not beating their wives, and women are realizing that they have a choice: whether to endure such battering till their last breath is extinguished.
The government has a role to play, definitely, but we cannot turn away from the main culprit—the home front. The education and rejuvenation of both genders’ minds must begin at home. The lads should be taught that using their fists is never an appropriate approach to demonstrate dominance or express emotion. Husbands should treat wives with love in the home, and moms should not discriminate between sons and daughters.
Are we excluding the educational system? Gender bias should be abolished beginning in primary school, and everyone is taught to be emotionally healthy, with insulting sexist statements avoided at all costs. Schools should not be allowed to instill subliminal messages in the hearts of students, reinforcing the supremacy of one gender over the other. The truth is that the men who assault their wives were once young boys who were somehow indoctrinated that way by society, culture, and, unfortunately, religion. The women who choose to stay despite the degradation and physical violence they chose to face while pretending everything is fine in public and on social media platforms were mentally broken before the very first blow, they encountered in the marriage.
The brokenness, low self-esteem, and inability to be financially independent all stemmed from cultural, societal, religious, educational, and familial failures as females.
Domestic abuse’s high fatality rates are a burden that our country cannot carry any longer.
There is a slow and evolving emergence of assistance rendered to rescue women from the clutches of the cruelty of abuse, but this is only touching the surface of this low-growling beast. Women are a gift and a blessing. Yes, a weaker vessel, the fairer sex, as sometimes referred to, but the world does really need the contributions, wellness (mentally and emotionally), and survival of this gender, from which emerge our moms, sisters.
The truth is, until as a nation and on a global scale, until all facets of society and every individual work together to eradicate domestic violence and any form of gender abuse (though predominantly committed against women), seeing it as a problem that boomerangs to harm the fiber of the very structure that society’s development and growth is hinged on, this problem is here to stay and outlive many generations while silently crippling the wholesomeness of the human existence.
